Lucky

Last night, after we returned from the in-law’s and my parents’ house, we spent a little chocolate induced energy with a pillow fight between the four of us. Max attempted to get involved too, but he just couldn’t keep up. Eventually it turned into a round of Jump On Daddy Time and I collapsed on the couch, laughing hysterically at the sight in front of me. Every groan emitted by J led to a squeal of delight by me and an intensification of effort by the Beans.

Peanut beamed at my encouragement and ran into my arms. When I swooped her up, I whispered into her neck, “We’re so lucky, aren’t we? We’re so, SO lucky!” I gasped at the thoughts that followed and banished them from my mind so that I wouldn’t lose this overwhelming feeling of joy and thankfulness.

Later in the evening, as J and I were closing the house up and waiting for the dogs to finish outside, I held him and told him about my conversation with Audrey a few hours earlier.

“I think about it all the time,” he told me, after I asked him if any one person is allowed to feel like this. Will we be allowed to continue on like this or will our luck run out one day? For a moment I allow myself to get caught up in the thought that this might be temporary. That one day the giggles will go unheard and the world will turn dark. In that instant, my heart shattered into a million little pieces and I couldn’t catch my breath at the thought.

Stay up a little later. Hug them a little longer. Smell their hair, tickle their toes. Close the laptop. Turn off the T.V. Hold their face in your hands and watch them smile. Revel in the noise of your life. And hold on as tight as you can.

*Shana, I don’t know you, but I’m praying.