Things you discover when your child is in the ER.

1. You have actually learned something from watching Grey’s Anatomy: the interns are idiots and the attendings are arrogant fools.

2. Apparently, it’s normal to wait four hours to receive treatment.

3. Toddlers don’t get special treatment, even if they’ve just puked their weight in vomit.

4. Pediatric ER rooms are scary, especially when every wall is covered with murals of dancing clowns. We don’t like clowns.

5. Diet Cherry Coke isn’t so bad when it’s the only thing a vending machine will spit out.

6. Every hospital smells the same.

7. Even when you think you’ve packed everything in a diaper bag, you haven’t packed anything relevant.

8. Next time, you should bring a blanket and PJs for the Bean and dinner for J.

9. When it comes to medical treatment for your child, a minute is too late, every needle is too big, a good job isn’t good enough, and no one else gets it.

10. Even though you’re the parent now, you still feel better after you cry to your dad.